That’s right. I had the morning that would have driven me into deep fried death traps two weeks ago but not today. Today I wanted to do better. Today I decided that one rough morning wasn’t worth reseting my schedule, restarting my raw journey, or putting myself one day farther away from feeling good about myself. I put myself above food and it felt good! My sweet husband let me take a nap when he got home. Gosh, I love him heehee. Afterwards we went on a family walk which was really nice.

For dinner tonight I made him raw chow mein veggies and myself another  Mexican salad. I have been on this huge avocado kick. I could eat 3 a day if I let myself LOL! I have been keeping it to one…well today it was one plus what was in the brownie. heehee. I made brownies tonight for the first time with truly ripe avocados. Oh. Dear. Me. Seriously? I thought they were amazing before… wrong! The texture with ripe avocados is spot on. The icing is like a thick rich pudding. Ahhh they were sooo yummy!

I ate more than typical today (and we are all going to get a good laugh if the scale drops tomorrow…ha) but I stayed RAW!! wheee!! I cannot believe I’m already in week 3! I am so excited to see what the next few months bring

As we drove home we started talking. I have been feeling for the last few days that Neil was craving cooked food. I felt badly as if I was the one holding him back.  Well, it turns out Neil was feeling like if he ate some cooked food he would be failing me and making it harder for me to hold true to all raw. So we had a good talk and he is going to have occasional cooked healthful food. Not SAD food but stuff that is good for him and in moderation. It was a huge relief to both of us I think. I had been craving more salads and such but felt like it would be mean to stop prepping meals with him craving cooked food.

So the day ended with him having a cooked homemade mini pizza that I made  and me having a delightful Mexican inspired salad. I think both of us felt a sens of relief and contentment

I have been quite the turmoil of emotions this last couple days and it is making me realign what I am doing day to day. So many of my daily habits have had to switch to make RAW a way of life and I guess at some point I was bound to have to give up some old habits as well. I am trying to drastically cut back my computer time and increase my outdoor time. This last couple days of hyper emotion have shown me that I may need a bit of time to step back and just take in what is happening in my life. I am having a hard time balancing all the changes within myself without having to ponder how other people are feeling about the changes. I have been defensive this last couple days and somehow aware of it I still cannot hit it away. So, I trudge through defensive, emotional, and determined. I truly feel that it will all subside if I put myself into this.

I am quite proud of the fact that I am striving to make food not an emotional tool. I was so up and down this last couple days and I never once caved to the cooked. Today I even cut out all “sweets” and stuck to lots of greens and fruits. In fact, the only seeds I had were sunflower on my salad. If I was feeling this way on SAD I know that I would have plunged through some serious calories today. Instead I had a green smoothie and grapes for breakfast, a fruit salad for a snack, a huge salad for lunch, apple slices at the movie theatre (yes… that is right… I didn’t even cave to movie theatre butter!), and some dehydrated veggies when we got home. It was a rough day but I let my words handle it instead of eating my way through it. Nice!

Exercise has always been a challenge for me, but somehow lately it has seemed therapeutic. As I was out walking today I found myself listening to “Hot Blooded” by Foreigner and “I wish” by Point of Grace. Two songs that seem quite polar opposite but somehow each got me in a groove. I alternated between the two on repeat for my whole walk. I walked, I moved, and the whole time I enjoyed myself. I debated going a second round but Alyssa was in desperate need of a nap so I called it quits. The fresh air seemed to help my mood a bit even if it was tainted with copious amounts of pollen. However, I just couldn’t shake the overwhelming feeling of frustration. Ah well! At least it was date night. We went and saw “I Love You, Man!” …which is entirely too much up my alley. It was good to laugh. It was good to feel pride in not eating blech food while there as well. Thank goodness our theatre rocks and you can walk in with whatever you want to eat or drink!

I flaked on the whole food making thing today, but I did slice a bunch of veggies and some parsley in the food processor and dehydrate them while we were gone. The mushrooms taste absolutely divine and I’m going to use the onions and other veggies in my salads for a bit of crunch. It was nice to take a day off even if it still involved slicing. I can already feel myself gravitating towards easier stuff. I never thought I could be satisfied with just salads and such but it has been my biggest craving this week. I can’t believe tomorrow is already the last day of week 2. I know that I am working through the hardest and if I stick it out it will be *so* worth the effort. I just have to keep that mantra in my mind. It is a challenge in our society of fast food and mass media coupled with the general opinion that RAW is just too much restriction. However, I am pretty blessed. I have a husband who supports me, family who will try my concoctions, and friends that encourage and support me…some who are even going to join in on the RAW… even if they think it’s a bit loony…they’d have to be a bit loony to be my friend in the first place… right? LOL! Today was frustration but tomorrow is new and I am not bringing today into tomorrow so I am excited to see what the day brings

Pizza

Today was weird. It wasn’t that I felt bad… just meh. Like I said, my appetite was way down. I did manage to eat cheesecake LOL! I was really thirsty though and I just went with it. I have had a ton of water today. I’m just trying to listen to my body. I figure a couple weeks ago I wasn’t listening and I was eating way way more than I should be. I know my body is working hard to adjust to drastic changes. Maybe it just needed a day to not process a lot of food and tend to other things? I dunno. I did get a walk in today which is always nice. The first day of spring and the pollen to prove it! I swear the stroller was covered in yellow. A sure sign of spring time is new life and our tomatoes sprouted this morning!! Yay!

tomato plant

So that was the main highlight of the day. Well, that and when the small child went to bed with little to no argument. I think I will be headed there shortly. See how tomorrow plays out. I am proud though. Two more days and we will be through two weeks. Part of me is amazed at how quickly it has gone and how easily it has flown. I am starting to see changes in myself outward self already and that is quite exciting for only 12 days in! So, I can take a “meh” day here and there

I couldn’t go the whole day. I wanted a cheesecake I had seen hereand I figured today was a good day to make it. I did use flash pasteurized pomegranate juice. I figure it may knock me down to 95% raw for the day but poms are not in season right now and if it keeps me riding the raw train I am at peace with it. At any rate, the cheesecake was out of this world. I did make a change and top it with raw chocolate sauce instead of the pomegranate seeds because I sooo did not have fresh pomegranates or the time to painstakingly place each seed down only to crunch through them later. I do think that this cheesecake would be more appropriately named “Pomegranate Coconut Cheesecake” due to the amount of coconut oil in it it takes on a lovely tropical taste and aroma. I will definitely be making it again. I am still in awe of how accurately the texture matches that of ”normal” cheesecake!!

I also made Neil another pan of brownies and made some chocolates. The chocolates are still setting up but looked quite promising! I am continually in awe that I wrote off this way of living for so long. I mean, most people just never hear of it and go on their merry way. I worked for Wild Oats for a decent period of time and heard people chatter about it… yet still wrote it off.

Each day gets a little better. I know eventually I am going to have a rough day. I am ready for it. I know that it will not be as rough as the day I got on the scale just a few pounds shy of the 200 mark. I know that it will only be a day. I can get through it. As I walked today I visualized myself at goal. It’s weird but I actually had a hard time seeing it. One of my friends said yesterday “oh so you want to see yourself how we see you.” That. right there. is exactly it. I want my confidence back. I want to walk into a room and feel GOOD about who I am. I know if I stick to this path it WILL happen. I am very blessed in the fact that I have people surrounding me that love me for exactly who I am every day. However, I am ready to love myself for who I am and I think this is the direction I have to head to get there. I am sticking to it this time. I am sick of being the person who tries everything. I am NOT trying this… I am DOING it. It won’t be done either. It will be a life switch. I am sure we’ll eat cooked at some point, but I don’t ever want to return to SAD eating. Just healthful food with a bit of heat every now and again. I want to feel this good forever. Nothing has ever tasted as good as having this much energy feels. EVER.

Alright, I told you it was the most labor intensive I had done so far! After I had all the stuff ready I did the assembly. I cut the shells, rolled them around beans, and popped them in the dehydrator just long enough to warm up the shells since the beans had been in the dehydrator already. Placed them on a plate and topped with guac, enchilada sauce, fresh avocado and tomatoes. The rest was pretty straight forward mostly just piling it onto the plate. I said “mmmm” out loud as I took the first bite. It was seriously that good. It is definitely a remake…minus the rice… can you tell I took issue with the rice? HA!

Enchiladas

Alright, I will admit I was actually a bit grumpy when I didn’t have the appetite to eat everything that was on my plate. However, there are plenty of leftovers so it is all going to be OK. After I got a bit of an appetite back, I turned to the pan of brownies. Yes. BROWNIES. I kid you not. The most amazing creation ever. Just have someone else make them for you first if ingredients squick you out. Once you’ve eaten one you will get over the fact that they are not your “standard” dessert ingredients. I *almost* did not make them when I found out what was in the icing. However, I made carrot cake from the same blog and thus trusted her sweet tooth judgment enough to take the plunge. Boy… am I ever glad I did! I found the recipe here – scroll down a bit (as a side note, her blog rawks as a whole!). They are quick, easy, and taste too good to be raw! I made mine in an 8″ cake pan so I cut them into cake shape instead of brownie.

Brownies

I am still on a bit of a high from all the deliciousness today. I cannot get over the amount of flavors possible from raw foods. It just seems impossible. However, I also thought waking up feeling refreshed, feeling full from normal portions, and functioning without coffee were impossible a couple weeks ago. I have more energy now than I ever remember having. I walked this morning before making lunch and it seemed to fly by. I have been doing a lot of day dreaming lately about the short term future. I just cannot wait to see my “after” pics, to feel this great long term, and to overall enjoy what I am eating even though it is healthful for my body. I never ever would have thought in a million years we could make it raw but each day I feel a bit more confident this was a change that needed to happen!

Each time I made the chow mein I was craving sushi to go with it. Obviously something without fish, but I did not want to forgo the rice. So, I searched the net and figured out that if I let rice soak for a couple days, while keeping the water fresh, it would soften up. So, I grabbed some sushi rice thinking it’s short plump grains would be the easiest to hydrate. I pulsed them in the food processor about 15 times before throwing them in for the first soak. After 2 days I put the rice in the food processor with a bit of  rice vinegar and made it into almost a rice paste. It was a little crunchy but overall it filled the want for sushi! I would definitely make it again!

Sushi and Chow Mein

In non food related news. I was down 7lbs as I entered day 9. I took before shots this morning since I neglected to upon beginning. That was mortifying to say the least. Ha! It was a good incentive to continue down this path though. As Neil put it “You have lots of incentive to stick to this.” It is very true. My weight. My health. My emotions. Etc. Etc. There are so many reasons to go this way. Coupled with the fact I am enjoying the challenge this week to make things that are a bit off the salad scope. I am looking forward to settling in on a standard set of recipes and getting a schedule down for dehydrating, prepping and such. My energy is definitely back. I went for a 90 minute walk yesterday at about dusk. It was beautiful. Ah well off to feed the kid and start prepping for tomorrow!!

Today was meatloaf and mashed potatoes. No easy feat when you are eating raw… or is it? I did all the prep for this meal last night and then just popped everything in the dehydrator a few hours prior to eating today. I did the meatloaf in patty form. Which, for us, was perfect because then we can just use the leftovers later in the week as burgers! I was a bit worried when I sampled a bit prior to Neil coming home today because he was an avid mushroom hater… until today. He actually had a second patty! The patties are a mix of mushrooms and nuts from a recipe found here – http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/showthread.php?t=45747 I did not modify it except to add a bit more garlic. Man, I love garlic! The cauliflower mash was much better than I had hoped. I was pretty apprehensive about it after trying cauliflower au gratin last week and loathing it. However using the recipe found here – http://www.adventuresinrawfood.com/raw-food-mashed-potatoes-made-with-cauliflower – and upping the flavor with some extra garlic, parsley, and topping them with chives… they were rather enjoyable! I finished off the meal with a fresh spinach salad.

Here’s the whole ensemble.

Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes

As much as I enjoyed that meal there is no way that comfort food can go without chocolate! Last week I used the recipe found here – http://eatdrinkbetter.com/2009/03/11/raw-chocolate-truffles/ – to make truffles. We enjoyed them so much! They truly do conquer any chocolate cravings and the best part is that there is little to no guilt snacking on one with a morning smoothie!

Truffles

Well, I am quite pleased with today. My new kitchen set up really helped to create space and allow me to prep, clean, and be done! YAY! Tomorrow is Asian cuisine night!

First up is the “Gadget” counter. I have had one food processor for a while, but I scored the Oster one on clearance yesterday at target for under 20 bucks. There are some times that it is just nice to have two instead of washing and washing and washing when you are trying to make a meal. My measuring bowls and cups and my mini chopper for the small jobs. Finally, the dehydrator. It is fun because it is clear but when we make it to goal I am totally investing in an Excalibur!

On the opposite side of the stove is my “prep area” that I adore. My dry ingredients stay out in glass canisters and dates in an overturned glass bowl. I need to get some oil for my cutting board. Who knew that when you actually use things in your kitchen they require maintenance?

Then on the opposite side of the sink I have all the condiments, vinegars, oils, etc. Also my coffee grinder is there. I like using it to grind sesame down into tahini and flax seeds to flax meal. Though, I will admit I still miss my morning coffee .

Finally, the “juice bar” where all the nuts and dried foods are kept in a box and the fresh fruits and veggies displayed in beautiful fashion. I swear, when you walk into the kitchen and the first thing you see is fresh produce… it is just one of the most inviting sights ever. Above it is our monthly dinner plan. I only have one week filled in right now because we are trying out a lot of new recipes this week and I want to determine what we actually like. HA!

… and of course a close up of the produce platter!

That about sums it up. One week down! I feel great, Neil feels great, and best of all our appetites are leveling! I am going into week 2 with excitement. I am excited to see what weight comes off, what energy goes up, and what new flavors we learn to love! It has been a fun journey thus far!